The Wellness Post : You Deserve Love, You Deserve a Future
Ariane arrives at the University of Rwanda full of hope, dreams, and gratitude. She has been an outstanding student throughout her high school studies, and she is the first in her family to attend university. Receiving the Mastercard Foundation Scholarship at the University of Rwanda means everything to her, her family, and her community. She is determined to succeed in her studies and make her family proud.
Soon after arriving, she meets Eric, a confident and friendly third-year student. He offers to show her around campus, helps her settle in, and makes her feel special. Claudine, Ariane’s roommate, expresses some concern about how quickly Eric is moving, but Ariane is flattered and believes he genuinely cares.
Ariane and Eric start dating. At first, he is sweet and supportive. However, things change quickly. Eric becomes demanding and manipulative and begins pressuring Ariane into a sexual relationship, saying it is proof of love. She is hesitant but gives in, fearing that she might lose him.
Later, Eric grows cold and distant. He stops answering her calls and avoids her in public. Eventually, Ariane finds out that he is involved with another girl and that he never even broke up with her.
Devastated and heartbroken, Ariane begins isolating herself. She skips classes, fails assignments, and her academic performance declines. The emotional trauma begins to affect her mental health, and she even considers giving up her scholarship.
Claudine, noticing the changes, approaches Ariane with concern and compassion. With her support and the intervention of a lecturer, Ariane is encouraged to seek counseling and get back on track.
She realizes that she allowed herself to be manipulated because of her inexperience and her desire for love and belonging. She starts rebuilding her confidence, learning how to set boundaries and prioritize her goals.
Though it is a difficult journey, Ariane reclaims control of her life. She passes her exams, begins advocating for mental health, and eventually speaks to other young women about toxic relationships and the importance of focusing on their future.
This might be your story, or your friend's.
Love is a beautiful thing. Being seen, cared for, and supported by someone can bring joy, motivation, and growth. But love can also be confusing, even heartbreaking and in some cases, it can derail your personal and academic success.
So how do you enjoy love without losing yourself? Let's talk about it.
Know yourself first
Before entering any relationship, get clear on your own values and dreams. What kind of partner do you want, not just emotionally, but intellectually and morally? You can't expect someone to treat you with respect if you haven't first learned to respect yourself.
Communicate and set boundaries
Healthy love is built on honesty and mutual respect. Talk openly about your expectations, your limits, and your priorities. Let your partner know your studies and future matter. Boundaries are not weakness, they're maturity. If someone repeatedly ignores or pushes yours, take that seriously.
Protect what matters to you
You should never have to give up your studies, your sleep, your friends, or your goals to keep a relationship. True love supports your goals, it doesn't compete with them. If your grades start slipping or you feel constantly emotionally drained, ask yourself honestly: is this relationship helping me, or hurting me?
Learn to recognize unhealthy behavior
Manipulation, control, pressure, and emotional or sexual abuse are not signs of love, they are forms of mistreatment, and they can affect your mental health long after the relationship ends. If someone makes you feel guilty for choosing your own future, they are not the right person for you.
Don't make a relationship your only source of happiness
You are more than someone's boyfriend or girlfriend. You are a student, a dreamer, a future leader. Don't tie your entire sense of worth to another person. Lean on your faith, your friends, your family and your own inner strength.
Remember why you came here
You came to change your life, your family's life, and your community's. That purpose is not something to trade away for someone who can't even respect your goals.o change your life, your family’s life, and your community. That is not something you should throw away for someone who cannot even respect your goals.
If you are struggling in a relationship or going through a painful breakup, please do not suffer in silence. There are counseling services, peer support groups on campus, and safe spaces where you can talk, cry, heal, and rebuild. Asking for help is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of wisdom.
You deserve love. You deserve success. And you deserve peace.
With love,
Christella ISHIMWE
Psychosocial Support Officer
Mastercard Foundation Scholars Program at the University of Rwanda